i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize