I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
