operation harelip BJ is a go
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
