it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
