I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
