Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
