dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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