hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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