Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
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Are you still at the party or did I leave?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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