would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
