I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
