You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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