wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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