When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
