some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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