i think my tv is drunk
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
