i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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