She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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