The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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