When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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