Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
