She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
