On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
