A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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