i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
