What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
