dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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