im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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