Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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