I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize