I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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