Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dicks are not precious.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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