yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
