It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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