Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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