you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
