All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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