Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
