How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
