also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
