Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
