When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
