Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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