I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
