After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
