I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
