I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
