I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
