So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
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You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
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all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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