its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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