apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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