you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
