If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
