I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
