she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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