his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
