After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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