The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
