And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
