Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
