I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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