***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
