Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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