u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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