My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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