you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
