if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize